The concept of fairness has been very much on my mind this week.
Really it’s been on my mind off and on since my diagnosis six years ago. Mostly, I have thought about fairness in terms of “why me?” Being chronically ill is so unfair to me, to my husband, to my children, and to my family and my friends, too.
But the fact of the matter is many things in life are unfair. Bad things happen to good people. Unexplainable things happen to innocent children. People face adversity. People face day to day struggles.
Last weekend, I got together for dinner with some friends from college. I gave them a brief update on my health. Sometimes I do not like to talk about it in much detail because I don’t want to be a downer. I’d much rather just eat, drink, talk, and laugh.
After wrapping up an enjoyable evening with hugs and goodbyes, one friend quietly said to me, “It just doesn’t seem fair.” The comment actually took me by surprise a bit. “No, no it doesn’t,” I replied with just a hint of tears forming in my eyes.
Although I sort of shrugged off her comment, it stuck with me all week long.
And she is right. It doesn’t seem fair. But really, am I the only one in this group of friends being dealt an “unfair” card?
Nope.
Another friend with us that night shared her triumph of having just completed her last radiation treatment for one cancer cell found in her breast. Another, who will have her first baby at age 43, had just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. She also has been ordered on bed rest for other complications related to her pregnancy. A third friend who could not be with us for dinner that night due to suffering a bout of pneumonia is in the midst of divorce proceedings.
These bad things are happening to very good people. Is it fair? No. Can it be explained? Not by me.
Ironically, fairness was the Character Counts topic at my kids’ school this week. To a kid, fairness seems so simple - Take turns. Share. Play by the rules. Listen to what others have to say. Treat people how you would like to be treated. Keep an open mind and be reasonable. Consider other people’s feelings. Fairness does not mean equal, but that each person gets what they need.
Hmmm, sounds so easy. Not really. For me, perhaps one of the most difficult things about fairness is simply accepting the fact that life is not fair. It’s trying to move on from “why me?” to “why not me?”
I’m not there yet.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009 - A Year in Review
With the hustle and bustle of Christmas over and a new year fast approaching, I have been taking some time to reflect on the events of the past year. It has been a year filled with ups and downs, good times and bad, and bittersweet memories. There has been sorrow, pain, and lots of tears. But there also has been joy.
And laughter.
And many, many small moments in our daily lives that kept me going, and reminded me that there is a higher power watching over us all.
So without further adieu, here are some of the highs, the lows, and the in-betweens of 2009:
January: After being very sick for many months prior to the new year, a right heart catherization revealed that I have pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure in the lungs). It is secondary to the scleroderma, but is considered a serious complication of the disease. I started to use supplemental oxygen at night and upon exertion to help with breathing issues. This was a very difficult time for me, and for us all. I cried. I cried a lot. My daughter cried, too.
February: Still quite ill and unable to tolerate cold weather, my sister came to town to help with the kids, make meals, and accompany me and my husband to doctors' visits. The kids celebrated Valentine's Day by exchanging cards with classmates. My son played floor hockey. My daughter took gymnastic classes. We tried to maintain "normal" around the house, despite everything that was not. My husband turned 44 years old. I got bi-focals. I added a new pulmonologist to my roster. He is close to home, compassionate, and takes a pro-active approach to my care.
March: I finally leave the house for something other than doctors' appointments. My daughter and I saw a play and went out to dinner with friends. I watched the kids rollerskate at Family Skate night. I started a pulmonary rehabilitation program. Though difficult at first, it has proven to be a much needed and positive part of maintaining my health and well-being. My old college friends cheered me up with an evening of dinner, conversation, and laughter. They made the dinner including dessert, and brought it to me. They even gave us the leftovers! I shopped with my mom and sister for my daughter's First Communion dress.
April: My baby boy turned seven! We celebrated with a soccer party for kids at the local YMCA, and a small family party at home. My husband and daughter attended the annual Daddy/Daughter dance at the local high school. It's a springtime ritual for them both. We celebrated Easter. We colored eggs, made a lamb cake, attended Mass, and ate a wonderful meal prepared by my oldest sister.
May: My beautiful daughter made her First Holy Communion. We hosted a gathering at a local restaurant filled with good food, family, and friends. I attended the kids' art show and ice cream social at school. My husband took my son to his very first major sporting event - a Chicago Fire soccer game! My daughter broke her elbow jumping off the swing in the backyard. She chose a bright, neon-green cast. My son's spring soccer team ended the season undefeated!
June: I "graduated" from pulmonary rehab. I felt so much better than I did at the start of 2009. I chose to stay in the rehab maintenance program for the long haul. We attended a breakfast at school for my daughter who earned a "Character Counts" award. On Father's Day, we saw the musical, "Mary Poppins" and stuffed ourselves with Pizzeria Uno pizza. I needed to use my supplemental oxygen as we walked around the city. But I did it!
July: My hubby and I celebrated out 14th wedding anniversary. My parents celebrated their 48th! Like we do every year, we watched the community Fourth of July parade, had a small family BBQ, and "oohed and awed" at the fireworks later that night. My daughter decided she wanted to be a rock star, so she began guitar lessons. The kids took swim lessons, and did things kids do during summer vacation like catching lightening bugs, riding bikes, and fishing with their dad.
August: We took a short family vacation to Michigan. I climbed down and up the dunes (using my supplemental oxygen.) The kids played in the sand and swam in the waves, so did their daddy. During all the fun, he lost his wedding ring in the lake or on the shore :( We played mini-golf and picked peaches. We ate ice cream. The kids played shuffleboard. It was a simple, no frills vacation. My son began the fall soccer season. My daughter made the Y gymnastics team.
September: Another school year began. My daughter started third grade, followed by her little brother in second. I'm amazed at how fast they are growing up. I mourned the loss of my teaching career as the job would be too physically demanding for me now. I gave some of my teaching supplies and materials to a friend. I attended a Scleroderma Patient Education Day at Northwestern University with a friend from pulmonary rehab. It was informative, insightful, and helpful to meet with other people much like myself.
October: Fall was officially in full swing with kids hard at work at school, and myself hard at work at pulmonary rehab. Our family had a great time at my annual college roommate get-together. Great friends, good food, and much-needed laughter. We visited a nearby pumpkin farm. We took a hayride, and the kids picked pumpkins that we later carved into jack o' lanterns. The kids trick or treated as a Rock Star and a British soccer player. They collected way too much candy!
November: The rock star turned nine! My mom turned 70. We celebrated with a lovely family dinner at an Italian restaurant. We also hosted a tie dye party for the rock star and her friends. The girls cracked us up with crazy freeze dancing, silly faces, and an ill-attempt at pyramid building. We enjoyed a delicious turkey dinner with the trimmings at my sister's home complete with the kids' version of the First Thanksgiving starring various stuffed animals as the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. We had much to be thankful for this year like family, friends, God, and many, many prayers from both near and far.
December: I celebrated my 43rd birthday. A laundry area remodeling project began, and was completed just in the nick of time before the holidays. The laundry area was moved from the basement of our two story home to the first floor in an effort to ease this chore for me and for the rest of the family, too. My daughter won five ribbons in her first gymnastics meet. Her faced beamed with happiness. I beamed with pride. We prepared for the birth of Jesus. We baked Christmas cookies with my sister, and she helped us decorate our tree and house for the holidays. The kids sang beautifully at the Christmas pageant and Mass on Christmas Eve after we spent a nice quiet lunch with my mother-in-law. Santa came. The kids received most everything they wanted. We enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner with my parents and sisters. It snowed. The kids planned their fourth annual New Year's Eve party with their auntie.
2009 has been a busy, challenging year for our family. But we have made it. I have made it!
Here's to 2010. May it be filled with many more extraordinary (and ordinary) memories for all.
Peace,
Suzanne
And laughter.
And many, many small moments in our daily lives that kept me going, and reminded me that there is a higher power watching over us all.
So without further adieu, here are some of the highs, the lows, and the in-betweens of 2009:
January: After being very sick for many months prior to the new year, a right heart catherization revealed that I have pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure in the lungs). It is secondary to the scleroderma, but is considered a serious complication of the disease. I started to use supplemental oxygen at night and upon exertion to help with breathing issues. This was a very difficult time for me, and for us all. I cried. I cried a lot. My daughter cried, too.
February: Still quite ill and unable to tolerate cold weather, my sister came to town to help with the kids, make meals, and accompany me and my husband to doctors' visits. The kids celebrated Valentine's Day by exchanging cards with classmates. My son played floor hockey. My daughter took gymnastic classes. We tried to maintain "normal" around the house, despite everything that was not. My husband turned 44 years old. I got bi-focals. I added a new pulmonologist to my roster. He is close to home, compassionate, and takes a pro-active approach to my care.
March: I finally leave the house for something other than doctors' appointments. My daughter and I saw a play and went out to dinner with friends. I watched the kids rollerskate at Family Skate night. I started a pulmonary rehabilitation program. Though difficult at first, it has proven to be a much needed and positive part of maintaining my health and well-being. My old college friends cheered me up with an evening of dinner, conversation, and laughter. They made the dinner including dessert, and brought it to me. They even gave us the leftovers! I shopped with my mom and sister for my daughter's First Communion dress.
April: My baby boy turned seven! We celebrated with a soccer party for kids at the local YMCA, and a small family party at home. My husband and daughter attended the annual Daddy/Daughter dance at the local high school. It's a springtime ritual for them both. We celebrated Easter. We colored eggs, made a lamb cake, attended Mass, and ate a wonderful meal prepared by my oldest sister.
May: My beautiful daughter made her First Holy Communion. We hosted a gathering at a local restaurant filled with good food, family, and friends. I attended the kids' art show and ice cream social at school. My husband took my son to his very first major sporting event - a Chicago Fire soccer game! My daughter broke her elbow jumping off the swing in the backyard. She chose a bright, neon-green cast. My son's spring soccer team ended the season undefeated!
June: I "graduated" from pulmonary rehab. I felt so much better than I did at the start of 2009. I chose to stay in the rehab maintenance program for the long haul. We attended a breakfast at school for my daughter who earned a "Character Counts" award. On Father's Day, we saw the musical, "Mary Poppins" and stuffed ourselves with Pizzeria Uno pizza. I needed to use my supplemental oxygen as we walked around the city. But I did it!
July: My hubby and I celebrated out 14th wedding anniversary. My parents celebrated their 48th! Like we do every year, we watched the community Fourth of July parade, had a small family BBQ, and "oohed and awed" at the fireworks later that night. My daughter decided she wanted to be a rock star, so she began guitar lessons. The kids took swim lessons, and did things kids do during summer vacation like catching lightening bugs, riding bikes, and fishing with their dad.
August: We took a short family vacation to Michigan. I climbed down and up the dunes (using my supplemental oxygen.) The kids played in the sand and swam in the waves, so did their daddy. During all the fun, he lost his wedding ring in the lake or on the shore :( We played mini-golf and picked peaches. We ate ice cream. The kids played shuffleboard. It was a simple, no frills vacation. My son began the fall soccer season. My daughter made the Y gymnastics team.
September: Another school year began. My daughter started third grade, followed by her little brother in second. I'm amazed at how fast they are growing up. I mourned the loss of my teaching career as the job would be too physically demanding for me now. I gave some of my teaching supplies and materials to a friend. I attended a Scleroderma Patient Education Day at Northwestern University with a friend from pulmonary rehab. It was informative, insightful, and helpful to meet with other people much like myself.
October: Fall was officially in full swing with kids hard at work at school, and myself hard at work at pulmonary rehab. Our family had a great time at my annual college roommate get-together. Great friends, good food, and much-needed laughter. We visited a nearby pumpkin farm. We took a hayride, and the kids picked pumpkins that we later carved into jack o' lanterns. The kids trick or treated as a Rock Star and a British soccer player. They collected way too much candy!
November: The rock star turned nine! My mom turned 70. We celebrated with a lovely family dinner at an Italian restaurant. We also hosted a tie dye party for the rock star and her friends. The girls cracked us up with crazy freeze dancing, silly faces, and an ill-attempt at pyramid building. We enjoyed a delicious turkey dinner with the trimmings at my sister's home complete with the kids' version of the First Thanksgiving starring various stuffed animals as the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. We had much to be thankful for this year like family, friends, God, and many, many prayers from both near and far.
December: I celebrated my 43rd birthday. A laundry area remodeling project began, and was completed just in the nick of time before the holidays. The laundry area was moved from the basement of our two story home to the first floor in an effort to ease this chore for me and for the rest of the family, too. My daughter won five ribbons in her first gymnastics meet. Her faced beamed with happiness. I beamed with pride. We prepared for the birth of Jesus. We baked Christmas cookies with my sister, and she helped us decorate our tree and house for the holidays. The kids sang beautifully at the Christmas pageant and Mass on Christmas Eve after we spent a nice quiet lunch with my mother-in-law. Santa came. The kids received most everything they wanted. We enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner with my parents and sisters. It snowed. The kids planned their fourth annual New Year's Eve party with their auntie.
2009 has been a busy, challenging year for our family. But we have made it. I have made it!
Here's to 2010. May it be filled with many more extraordinary (and ordinary) memories for all.
Peace,
Suzanne
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